Committed Courage
by AutumnsFey
Summary: Courage Shows in many forms. But sometimes even the one being courageous can't see it. Neville hadn't known what to expect, but for Harry Potter to praise him for his Courage, was certainly not it. However sometimes things aren't as they appear to be, and sometimes it only needs an unbelieving Longbottom and a contrite Potter to take the first steps to true friendschip. 5th year.
Harry Potter Fanfiction: 'Committed Courage'

The DA meeting had run longer than normal.

It was no wonder; they had just studied the Patronus charm, and seeing the silver animals had set free the kind of happiness that was wild and simple, coming from the heart. He had worked himself to the bone to achieve his patronus and was elated to see it prancing around the room, glowing softly silver and emitting a feeling of home and safety.

They had ended their session and started to split up and leave, when Harry had come up to him and asked him to stay behind. Seeing no harm in it, Neville had agreed and watched as his roommate winked Ron and Hermione away. The room emptied fast and Harry went about reorganizing it while they waited for the others to leave. Hermione and Ron were the last to leave, and their reluctance was obvious.

As if Neville wanted to hurt Harry.

As if he could hurt him.

He was pretty sure that his roommate could already sit his NEWTs in Defence and at least scrape by with an A. Shaking his head he refocused on the emerald-eyed boy, who had sat himself on one of the bean bags laying around and was now silently beckoning him over.

Wondering what that was all about, Neville followed the invitation and settled down across from the other, keeping a keen eye on the small dark-haired boy. They sat in silence, neither one willing to break it; Neville waiting, Harry contemplating. Finally, his roommate sighed and looked Neville straight in the eyes.

" Neville in the last few months, you've really come into your own", Harry started, his voice even and firm. " I am not just saying that, I mean it."

Whatever Neville Longbottom had expected, that wasn't it. He had expected Harry to berate him for being too forceful or too obsessive after the Azkaban Break-out, but he had not expected praise. Especially not the kind of praise that was given away without prompting.

It just … wasn't done. He was Neville Longbottom.

The quasi-squib.

And Harry Potter was … everything Neville was supposed to be but never would be.

It made absolutely no sense. The mere notion of him being brave enough to get Harry to praise him …

He turned away and snorted.

" You are courageous."

The words were spoken with such steadfast belief that Neville looked back to Harry and found the other staring intensely, but not unkindly at him, a kind of inner fire in his eyes that promised Neville that he wouldn't be allowed to dismiss the others words.

He really had no idea what his roommate was playing at, but the humour was lost to him.

Now, it was just cruel.

As Longbottom heir, son to Frank and Alice Longbottom, two formidable auror's, he was an embarrassment, the shame that no one ever allowed to forget that very fact. All his life he had been ridiculed, downtrodden and derisively excluded, and now, when he finally did something right, finally felt like maybe he could be worth something, when he had motivation and drive beyond anything he had ever encountered before, the one person in Gryffindor who had never mocked him for being weak had decided to take his shot at clumsy chubby Neville.

He felt bile rising at the thought of having misjudged the other so much.

So much for their tentative friendship.

" Please, just … stop", Neville finally said, his voice cracking with embarrassment and the beginnings of anger. " I really don't need you mocking me too."

Hell, that hurt more than it should.

Here was the one boy he counted as friend, tearing him apart with nice words.

He was very much aware just exactly how out of place he, the cowardly lion, was in Gryffindor. The Hufflepuff in Lions Clothing.

No need to clarify.

" I really didn't think you were like that. Not you."

He pushed himself up and was ready to go, but the pale slender hand circling his wrist stopped him.

He opened his mouth to demand his release, but the words got stuck in his throat as he laid eyes upon the serious expression Harry wore. He had only seen this hard but tired lines in the others face when the younger boy talked about stopping Voldemort, about fighting and winning a war cowardly adults were to useless to fight.

Neville really was out of his depths here. Just seconds before he had been so sure the other was mocking him, but now … maybe he had misinterpreted something. And he didn't want to lose the other boy over a misunderstanding, if that was the case.

With that thought he allowed the smaller boy to tug him back down and stayed on the bean bag. He really had no idea what was going on, but no matter how many said he was more Hufflepuff than anything else, he could at least bring up that much of his Gryffindor courage.

" I'm not mocking you", Harry finally said tiredly, holding up a hand when Neville made to interrupt him. " It's the simple truth."

He took a deep breath and looked Neville squarely in the eye. It was the deeply sad look of pride, remorse and regret that really made the Longbottom heir sit up and listen, no matter his misgivings in the beginning of their conversation.

" Do you remember, in first year, how Dumbledore awarded you the winning points during the leaving feast for courage even if the adversary you have to stand up to is your friend?" Harry asked slowly, pulling the sleeves of his dress shirt over his hands. " I do. I remember."

Neville remembered it, too. He remembered being shocked beyond belief and glowing with pride at finally doing something right.

But what that had to do with mocking him, he didn't know. Maybe Harry wanted to illuminate him on how idiotic he had been.

" And maybe I was to self-absorbed to see it before, but … it's impressive. You are impressive. That kind of courage," a deep firm gaze settled on him. " That is the one you can be resolutely proud of."

Not really. He was not really proud of his actions, but he held his mouth.

" We never talked about that night, did we?" Harry asked, a little self-depreciatory smile edge on his pale lips.

Neville hadn't noticed before, but in this moment he saw exactly why Ron and Hermione didn't want Harry to be alone. It distracted him from the topic, but he couldn't help it.

Harry was paler than ever and thinner to. Unhealthily so, even for the willowy boy.

And that amount of loathing compressed in one little smile was not only an art form that had to have been perfected by endless hours of practice, but also needed the right amount of bad feelings to back it up. Yeah, unhealthy really nailed it.

And it made something inside of Neville sick that he was the one putting that horrible smile up on the other boys face.

" You were right. You cared. For our housemates. For us. For Ron, Mione and me. I don't think I ever thanked you for caring."

His stomach lurched. He didn't do it for Thanks, he did it because he thought it was the right thing to do. And in the end, after what he had heard, it was the wrong thing. Oh yes, the headmaster had avoided him the deciding points, but if he had succeeded in stopping the three, then Voldemort would have been resurrected a lot sooner.

So, no. Thanks were not what he was after, and it was not what he deserved.

He really didn't understand the other boy.

" Thank you."

Enough!

He didn't deserve thanks. And he most certainly didn't want to be thanked with such a self-loathing. It really made him sick to the bone.

And if the uncomfortable feeling that slowly creeped up his spin was right, then this whole conversation was not something he deserved. Because if Harry didn't mock him, then the only other viable possibility was that his roommate actually meant what he said. And while it warmed his heart and shamed him briefly that he hadn't misjudged his schoolmate, it still didn't explain how the other boy could have such a skewed view of their school years.

It made his head spin.

He needed to stop it.

" It was idiotic, not courageous", Neville tried to explain. " Courage was facing Voldemort at eleven. Compared to that, I'm not brave."

And he really wasn't, no matter how much he wished he was.

Harry just continued to smile.

" I've come to discover that Neville Longbottom shows the greatest strength when he protects his friends and family - no matter if it is protection from their own actions or an outside threat."

He had no idea how Harry came to that conclusion. But … he also couldn't say that the other boy was completely wrong. He wasn't brave, or strong, or confident, but if there was one thing he did indeed took pride in, besides his Herbology skills, than it was that he at least tried to stand up not only for what he believed in but more importantly for the people he treasured.

Neville still couldn't wrap his head around the fact that he was thanked for something he did in a misguided attempt of bravery and actually praised for it.

It had been a long time since he had been praised outside of a green house.

" And Neville, whoever enrages the brave lion within you to roar", Harry continued, reaching out to take Neville's hands in his own thin ones. " I'm pretty sure when you are done with their pitiful idiotic hides, they will be wishing they had never had the misfortune of crossing you."

He didn't blush. He didn't.

… okay, he blushed somewhat fiercely.

Harry laughed gently and petted his hands. Neville just sighed and looked his roommate in the eyes.

" You think too much of me", he protested.

" Correction. I thought too little of you", Harry countered chagrined.

Neville shook his head empathically.

" No, you were the only one who never mocked me or told me I couldn't do something. I think I interpreted your words in the beginning completely wrong. I don't need thanks, especially not for something that nearly ended in a catastrophe if I had succeeded. What I want and need is to prove myself. To be there for my friends. And really, you are the only one who never told me to beat it or stop trying because my failure was a foregone conclusion. So don't beat yourself up for something you didn't do."

Harry leaned for and looked Neville straight in the eyes, a sad hard glint in the emerald-coloured gaze. The twist to his mouth was unhappy.

Neville noted the height differences even when sitting between them. It couldn't be healthy to be so small, and Harry was abnormally small. He may be the youngest in the year, and Neville next to Crabbe and Goyle the broadest, but the difference between them was astonishing. And, once again, most certainly not healthy.

He had often noted that his roommate didn't look the most healthy or well-cared for, but he had never spent enough time alone with Harry to notice just how obvious the signs were. And now, he couldn't _not_ notice.

He really had a bad feeling.

Harry spoke again, and Neville did his best to focus on the other boy's words instead of the prominent collar bone he could see as if it was merely spanned over with paper.

" Exactly. I did nothing. I would like to change that, but I would understand if you don't want to give me that chance; I really haven't earn it", Harry said lowly, looking like he didn't really want to explain but never breaking eye contact. " I hope to, in the future, become deserving of your protection, but until then, the least I can offer you is the truth; a truth I really think you need to hear."

No matter what Neville's thoughts were on the topic discussed, he wouldn't aggravate the other too much with opposition. That pallor really didn't look to well.

Sighing he shook his head and closed his eyes to collect himself.

Maybe this was an opportunity to …

" We really saw that time differently, I think, really differently. But no matter what, you have all the chances in the world, Harry, because I will always protect you. You don't need to earn it. And ... thank you", Neville said calmly, meaning every word. " No one has ever said that I'm brave."

Harry looked unhappy.

" But you are."

Neville gave a short laugh.

" You're pretty alone with that opinion."

But Harry only seemed even more agitated.

" Neville, so many people say I'm brave, just because of things beyond my control or because I was forced into a situation and had to do what I could to make the best of it", Harry said, his grip tightening around Neville's hands until his knuckles turned white. " Without Mione and Ron, I would have died long ago."

Neville quirked a small smile and chuckled as he leaned back into the bean bag, slowly relaxing.

Who would have thought? Harry really only wanted to tell him that he was brave, courageous even. And he no matter if he was right or not, one thing was for sure: it really was like a cooling balm on his downtrodden brooding soul. He had needed this encouragement.

And he … he really enjoyed talking with Harry. Strange as it was, even though the topic and his own realisations were not particular nice, he enjoyed talking to the smaller boy.

Still chuckling he brought out: " We are a pair. You are trying to make me believe that I'm brave while I do the same for you."

Shaking his head, he looked at the small agreeing smile on the others lips.

" You are sharper than you show", Neville commented, because it was true.

During lessons, and even in the common room, Harry let more often than not Ron Hermione take the reign. But he was proving that he had a sharp mind hidden beneath that mop of unruly hair. A sharp mind and generous heart.

How much of the sometimes daft boy was only an act?

He itched to discover the truth.

" I have no idea what you are talking about", Harry argued, but the twitching of his lips betrayed him.

Neville stayed silent. Harry sighed good-naturally.

" Could you imagine how Mione and Ron would react?", he asked Neville.

Neville only needed a moment to think it over and shuddered.

Ron would be furious and see it as a betrayal while Hermione would be torn between jealousy and harping even more.

Yeah, not a particular enviable situation.

" Exactly, I don't want to lose them", Harry commented, rightly interpreting Neville's facial expression.

But just because Neville understood didn't mean that he actually agreed with that approach. Personally, he would rather be himself and have true friends than having to act around the people he cared for only to avoid their delicacies. It wasn't fair for the younger boy.

" I don't think you would lose them", Neville finally replied.

And he didn't. They would struggle, but he was pretty sure that the three would hold onto each other and come out of that hurdle even stronger than before.

" Perhaps … But ... you know how it is, Neville."

And Neville knew.

Personally, he thought honesty would be better. But from Harry's point of view, he understood. He already had lost Ron once, and didn't want to repeat the experience. And this time, the danger of losing Hermione's was just too real to gamble for the other boy. Neville had long ago deduced that Harry's home life wasn't the best, so it was only natural to cling to those he had.

" If you have as little as we do, than you cherish it even more", Harry echoed his thoughts.

" True."

Harry was an orphan; Neville as good as.

They loved and cherished what little of family they had.

" I just ... I just want you to think about what I said. You have so much courage, you only need to believe in yourself", Harry concluded, sounding absolutely convinced of his own words. " I for one am glad that we are friends."

Neville's heart made a leap.

Friends?

" Are we really friends", he wondered out loud.

Harry looked taken aback and directed his gaze to their hands. He looked sad again.

" I thought so .. but I'm sorry if I have overstepped", his … friend murmured.

Friend.

Wow.

Neville new that they had a tentative friendship, but for Harry to really consider him a true friend … it was a wonderful gift. He had always seen the younger boy as a friend, but had forced himself to banish that thought and conditioned himself to think if Harry only as a fellow student or roommate. But friends …

He really liked that.

" No, no - that's not it at all. You're just so secretive most of the time, it's difficult to tell what you think", Neville hurried to explain himself, nearly stumbling over his own words.

" Ah", Harry said, understanding lighting up those expressive eyes. " I see, my error. I should have gotten you an official notification. I'm so sorry Nev, I will get right to it."

Neville gapped and was prepared to object, but the twinkle in his friend's eyes stopped him.

He blinked and started to grin.

Oh, they were bantering. That was virgin territory for him, but he would try to play to.

Wow. Bantering with his friend. He felt like a balloon of happiness was swelling inside his chest.

" I would hope so, I want my notification certificate and the welcome to the club present", Neville retorted snottily.

Harry gasped mockingly and laid a hand over his heart.

" Oh my, how forgetful of me", he breathed, eyes big and round. " Give me a few weeks, I'm sure I can annoy Voldemort enough to get him to plan an attack doomed for failure, and then you come get along and get your welcome present, one deluxe stand-off with snake face."

Neville snorted.

" I'm feeling so loved", he joked.

" Everything for you, my friend", Harry promised earnestly, the grin on his face contagious.

Neville returned it and stood up, stretching his limbs to get the prickling out of his legs and arms.

" Come one, let's go before Umbitch gets us."

Harry took the hand Neville held out and let himself be drawn up. Standing, he too stretched.

" Okay, okay, give me a sec."

Neville nodded and watched as his friend – what a rush to say that; Harry was his first ever friend – collected his materials before coming back to him.

He may not believe Harry where it came to his own courage or the praise needed for the few acts that could be taken as such, but he still was thankful for their conversation. Without it, he didn't know how long it would have taken him to bring up the courage and ask if they were friend. Now, not only was he walking away with the first person praising him for bravery, but more importantly he was walking away with his first friend.

Maybe this strange kind of courage he had was not as bad as he thought.

Maybe.

He wouldn't take a bet on it.

" Thanks, Harry."

His friend just smiled.

" Anytime, Nev."

~ The End ~


End file.
